I wouldn’t trust Angelina Jolie with Johnny Depp if I were Vanessa Paradis

It could be time to form a strategy Vanessa Paradis

Ange and Johnny are good pals

In terms of sentences to hear uttered by your boyfriend, this is probably one of the worst: ‘Good news honey, Angelina Jolie is moving in to a house down the road.'
So you've got to feel for Vanessa Paradis, who must be gritting her teeth right now at the revelation that Ange and Brad Pitt are moving into a home in France for the summer, that's a short drive from where they live.
Yes, that's right sexy Angelina, a woman who looks like her (but with bigger teeth and boobs) is about to encroach on Vanessa's territory.
But it's ok. Most women know the unwritten code to handling situations like this. And there are many tactics she can take.
1. The ‘I'm Not Threatened By You, No Really' approach
Most likely to say: ‘Oo let's have Ange and Brad round for dinner to welcome them to the neighbourhood'
Tactic: Pretend to be in love with your ‘new best pal' Angelina, laugh at her jokes, while wearing a super sexy outfit and flirting horrendously with Brad.
Result: Johnny gets confused and decides not to invite them around again for a long time.
2. The ‘It's Time To Do What You've Always Dreamt Of' approach
Most likely to say: ‘You've always wanted to work on a film in Siberia, haven't you Johnny?'
Tactic: Encourage him to move. A long way away. For the summer. For his own interests, naturally.
Result: She's nowhere near him. And there are no phones nearby.
3. The ‘Oh Ange, You'll Hate It Here' approach
Most likely to say: ‘Have you heard about how bad the gyms are here? You'll get huuuge.'
Tactic: Remind her why it's YOUR patch.
Result: She'll know what you're saying.
Ooh la, la. Let's see how many weeks Ms Jolie lasts...